What do you mean grow old gracefully? There's no such thing. To do something gracefully takes practice. Therefore, to grow old gracefully, we must practaice growing old. Tell a teenager that they need to practice growing old, and see how far that gets ya. Besides, there's no way to practice getting old.
The other day I met a lady while walking my pups. She was dressed the part, shorts, tee shirt, walking shoes. She was acting the part too, walking fast, pumping those arms, breathing deep (either that or panting, I couldn't tell which). Anyway, she looked at me as we passed and said "I'm trying to stave off sixty." Shoot, sixty, for me that was a looong time ago. But I can still breathe and walk at the same time.
Then again, I am not old - yet anyway - I don't have time to be. I have waaay too much to do to get old. I have to take care of business, Robbins Grips (I've harped about that to everybody), a book to sell, a book to write, roads to travel and mountains to climb. And people want me to grow old gracefully? I'll do that when I win the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
Right now, it's people driving cars that make me wave my arms and scream. I would appreaciate it if all you slow drivers would get out of my way. I do not have time to wait behind you at stop signs so that you can finally look both ways. You need to be lookin' both ways before you ever stop. It is easy to see that the car a block and a half away is not gonna hit you if you cross the street. Surely, you can travel to the other side at twenty miles an hour, before that car drives the length of three football fields. Do the math.
Also, it does not help me to grow old gracefully when the light turns green, for you to finish your text or whatever it is you are looking down at, before you decide "OH, the light has changed, maybe I should go, but I had better look both ways first." Yes, I'm the one behind you that's honking. Pay attention.
Automatic doors are another thing I don't have time to wait for, unless my arms are full or broken. They open too slow. Have you noticed how lazy people are though? If there is a button to punch to open the door, they seem to think it's necessary to punch it. Do they not realize that if they open the door themselves, their arms will stay stronger a little longer? Maybe not much, but any excersize helps.
There's really no way a person can get ready for old age. It just slipes up on ya. Like after youve cleaned house. The place looks spotless, and then a few days later you notice dust all over everything. It just sort of appears out of nowhere.
Years do the same thing. You're lookin' good. Skin, hair, weight all are fine until one day you look in the mirror, and there staring back at ya is your mom or worse, your grandmother. For all you young folks out there, if you don't think that's gonna happen, just stick around, and I'll say "I told ya so."
Anyone under fifty isn't gonna believe me. That's OK. I was the same way. But then one day I looked in the mirror and sure enough, Grandma was starin' back at me with a grin on her face. Don't know how, but I skipped plum over Mama. Not only us girls, but fellas have problems this way too.
Now, at this age, I should be tryin' to grow old gracefully. But I'm trying to get everything done that I didn't do earlier. All I know to say is, just stay outta my way. I don't have time to fool with slow pokes, especially in cars. Besides, I didn't practice for old age, but I'm planning to be a race car driver in my next life and I'm practing for that. The other day a friend was ridin' with me when I told her my plans. She said "Well, you'll make a ton 'o money at it". I looked down and her knuckles were plumb white. Bless her lill' ol' heart.
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